You Meta Work
Last night I dreamt I found my Tamagotchi.
For those of you too young to remember what a Tamagotchi is, A) how did you find this blog? and B) it’s a toy made in Japan that’s essentially a digital pet trapped in a plastic egg-shaped keyring that you could take with you everywhere. Somehow we were even allowed to have them in school. I’m sure teachers loved that. And even though I had mine with me all day every day back in the day, I still killed SO MANY BABIES.
Everything would be going fine. I’d kiss my lucky egg goodnight — yes, that was a Cool Runnings reference. Sorry, youngins. I still don’t know why you’re here — and awake to find a frozen screen with two angry faces glaring at me. Who were these infuriated digital creeps? The baby’s real parents? (Had I kidnapped him?) DHS? (Was I going to digital jail?) Other parents come to shame me? (Had I become the neighborhood witch?)
With so many deaths attached to my belt, I finally grew tired of being a murderer and abandoned my Tamagotchi. Outside of chasing Pokemon on my Gameboy, I decided digital beings weren’t really for me.
Enter Facebook becoming Meta. The metaverse is something I’d heard of. Like so many, I was dragged against my will to see Ready Player One, so I was up on the concept and the fact that Lena Waithe should stick to commercials when it comes to voice acting. But with a world-controlling company like Facebook buying in, it seems like the metaverse will be inescapable sooner than I thought; even within my lifetime.
As I try to get used to that idea, I can’t help but remember the babies buried in my digital backyard. I’m worried I won’t be able to keep myself alive in the metaverse. And if I manage to keep meta-me alive, will it be at the detriment of me-me?
Say I buy myself a pair of Nikes (I got a gift card for my birthday so this is happening IRL). Meta-me will also need some shoes, right? We can’t have her walking around barefoot on the mean streets of the metaverse. How much will her Nikes cost? Can I use the same gift card? Will there be an option to buy a digital version of my shoes for a discount? Or maybe my shoe purchase will come with a digital pair, like some vinyl albums come with a code for a digital copy.
It’s possible these things have already been worked out. I just don’t know because the thought of stepping into the metaverse scares me. I’m afraid I’ll be trapped there, like my Tamagotchi babies were. How many lives do we get in the metaverse? And if I die there, do I die here? It’s all a touch too Black Mirror for me.
I’m 99% sure my Tamagotchi went the way of my Furby: into the garbage. The chances of me actually seeing it ever again are slim, luckily. All it can do is haunt my past the way the thought of the metaverse haunts my future. For now, I’ll just by Nikes for me-me and keep it pushing.
